Shortage of Hyperbole Threatens Abbas Government

Gaza -- Advisors close to Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas say his Fatah government is facing a critical shortage of hyperbole and that unless fresh analogies can be found, his anti-Zionist movement could crumble.

Drawing down on his rapidly dwindling stock of shockingly over-inflated accusations, today Abbas called Israel’s targeted killing of four notorious Arab terrorists a “barbaric crime.”

Abbas went on to repeat statements from earlier this month equating Israel’s attacks on rocket launchers in the unoccupied Gaza territory to Hitler’s systematic murder of 6 million Jews during World War II.

In a statement today, the Palestine Authority complained that Israel ignores its “bogus pledges from Annapolis and other international events in addition to the barbaric holocaust it has carried out against our people, women and children in the Gaza Strip.”

Independent observers note that despite their furtive imaginations, the Palestinians have used up almost all available hyperbole pertaining to victimhood and face the very real prospect of having to either make up words or simply go silent.

“The same folks who daily lob rockets from free Gaza into the civilian centers of Sderot, Ashkelon and other Israeli cities without provocation – and celebrate widely when Jewish school children are gunned down as they study, are having a hard time finding sufficient words to described their own feigned suffering,” says linguist, Dr. R. U. Kidding, a professor at the University of Toronto Teachers Extension of Ridyah in Noncents, Saudia Arabia, also known as UTTER Noncents.

Kidding, who has kept count, says these words have already been used by Abbas and the Palestinians in their effort to liken Israel to the Nazis and hence are no longer available: abominable, barbaric, bloodthirsty, brutal, cold-blooded, cruel, depraved, heartless, inhumane, merciless, monstrous, murderous, pernicious, ruthless, sadistic, sinful, vicious, vile and wicked.

“It’s hard to fight a global public relations battle when you’ve already used up all the best words,” Kidding says. “If at his next news conference to blame the Israelis for killing some of his bomb makers Abbas attacks the Jews as ‘sissies’, or ‘pansies’ or ‘party poops’, it just won’t have the same impact.”

What the Palestinians really need, say sources close to Abbas, are some fresh acts of human depravity that they can then paint Israel with. “We are sending an emissary to meet with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in Iran to see what kinds of torture and intimidation he is using on his own people, so we can possibly accuse the Israelis of the same behaviors,” a spokesman for Abbas explained.